The basic theory behind Soviet Union says that Fidel Castro's injuries have gotten progressively and linearly more hilarious since the 60s.
Let's consider some important points.
1960s to 1980s: Various leaders, beginning with Kennedy, use unsavoury methods to attempt to kill Fidel Castro. These methods included: making underwater mines that looked like clams, because Fidel enjoyed diving; send Fidel cigars laced with botulism; hiring Ian Fleming (famous for writing the James Bond novels) to come up with ideas; encouraging disgruntled peasants to rise up in rebellion; convincing one of Fidel's old flames to come back, re-seduce him, and slip him poison pills; the infamous exploding cigar; filling his SCUBA suit with myotoxins; and possibly the most direct route: hiring mobsters to gun him down. None of these assassination attempts succeeded (obviously), so they aren't very high on the hilarity scale. They do become funnier as time goes on, however. This phenomenon is known as the Making My Graph Look More Like It Justifies My Original Claim That Fidel's Injuries Have Gotten Funnier On A Linear Scale Effect.
After that, there's a gap in my chart. This too is a result of the MMGLMLIJMOCTFIHGFOALSE.
October 20, 2004: Fidel Castro speaks in front of a crowd of art instruction students, about to graduate. On the way towards the stairs, he loses his footing and slips. He falls perfectly on his face while dozens of cameras record the incident. Totally hilarious. At least a seven on the hilarity scale.
2006: Fidel Castro complains of intestinal pain. Doctors discover inflammation in the large intestine, near both the appendix and the rectum. A surgery is botched, and Castro's large intestine ruptures, filling his abdomen with blood and faeces (<eofpi> So...Fidel Castro is literally full of shit?). Surgeons manage to staunch the bleeding and end up replacing about two feet of his intestine with an artificial one, as well as giving him a prosthetic anus (<Ushanka`s_Dad> That must have been a pain in the ass.). Prosthetic anus, people. That's a 9 on the hilarity scale without a doubt.
Since his injuries have gotten progressively funnier and his last injury was a 9, it stands to reason that Fidel Castro's next injury will be close to a perfect 10. After that, it would be nigh impossible to continue having progressively-funnier injuries, meaning the next hilarious wound will be his last. Predicted manners of death include, but are not limited to: Being struck by a meteor, choking on a pretzel, falling down a flight of stairs, spontaneous combustion, playing chicken in his private jet, or accidentally listening to a Donna Summers album. Also notice that none of the past injuries were funny to Fidel. They were funny to ME. I am the judge of the hilarity scale. If you disagree with any of my judgements, I will chalk it up to the MMGLMLIJMOCTFIHGFOALSE.
Enjoy your time on earth, Fidel. Though I incorrectly predicted your demise in late 2006 and early 2007, I shall not fail again! The Soviet Union does not lie!
